


Time After Time

by Chie (Chierafied)



Series: Fandom Events JL [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Groundhog Day, Halloween, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Tumblr: jilytober
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-24
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-04-27 20:55:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5063749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chierafied/pseuds/Chie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The scream was still on her lips, the high cold laughter echoing in her ears, when she jolted awake. Lily’s heart raced in her chest even though she had <i>felt</i> it stop when the flash of green had hit her just some moments earlier.</p><p>Then James was there, wrapping his arms around her shaking shoulders.</p><p>“Shhhh,” he whispered in her ear. “Shhh, it was just a bad dream.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time After Time

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for [jilytober](http://jilytober.tumblr.com/) over at Tumblr. I feel honoured I was asked to be one of the featured writers and got to participate in such a great event.
> 
> Kudos to Maz for betareading. ♥

The scream was still on her lips, the high cold laughter echoing in her ears, when she jolted awake. Her feet kicked as she sat up, tangling in the sheets. Her hands fisted in the duvet as she panted for breath.

Then James was there, wrapping his arms around her shaking shoulders. He pulled her close and gently tucked her head in that warm, safe crook of his neck.

“Shhhh,” he was whispering in her ear. “Shhh, it was just a bad dream.”

Lily’s heart raced in her chest even though she had  _felt_  it stop when the flash of green had hit her just some moments earlier.

Voldemort had been here. In their home. James had tried to hold him off but then James was dead –and  _he_  had followed her up the stairs.

And there, she had been the only thing standing between the feared Dark Lord and her baby boy.

He had told her to step aside but she had looked into those inhuman red eyes and stood her ground.

Lily wrapped her arms around James and hugged him tight, listening to his steady heartbeat and the sweet nothings he kept murmuring in her ear. And eventually, the breaths came slower, the fear faded and she felt calm again.

Everything was fine. James was here and alive and maybe he was right, maybe it had been just a bad dream, a frightfully lifelike one but a dream nonetheless…

And then, James pulled away. He stroked her hair and grinned at her in that crooked manner of his, before leaning to press a single kiss on her forehead.

“Happy Halloween,” he wished her.

Lily returned the smile shakily, her mind reeling with the sense of déjà vu, her stomach dropping and her insides turning into ice.

In that moment, she knew with absolute certainty that everything had been real.

“I’m going to go check on Harry,” James said, reaching for his glasses. “You have a lie down, okay?”

Lily let James push her back down and tuck her in. James ruffled her hair and then left the room, vanishing down the corridor.

It was happening again, starting anew, exactly the same way as before.

This was the morning of the last day of their lives.

Lily closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

She needed to think. There had to be something she could do differently, something that she could change, some way to escape from their cruel fate.

Her very first instinct was to run. But where could they go? And what would she tell James? Her stomach turned. She couldn’t convince him that their safety had been compromised; James wouldn’t believe her. She wasn’t half as naïve as he was, yet she could barely believe it herself.

Besides, Voldemort would come after them, he had always been only two steps behind. He would not give up even if he arrived to find an empty house, and if he missed them so narrowly, he just might focus his attentions to their friends instead, putting their lives in even greater danger – the Order that had tried to protect them, Remus, Peter, and Sirius…

Sirius. She latched on that thought, as desperate as a drowning man grasping at straws. She could send him a letter, ask him to go check on Peter or beg him to come over, spend the Halloween with them…

But then the cold trickle of doubt slithered down her spine and her abrupt, budding hope faltered. Because there was only one way Voldemort could have possibly found them. Peter had told him; Peter had voluntarily disclosed their location to the enemy from whom they were hiding. They had put their life in Peter’s hands, they had trusted him… And Peter, sweet, dear Peter had betrayed them.

Sirius was one of her closest friends; he had been like a brother to James – but so had Peter. And it had been Sirius who had suggested Peter should be their Secret-Keeper.

So though she wanted to trust Sirius, so much that her very soul ached, she _couldn’t_.

At this point, she wasn’t sure if there was anyone she could trust anymore, apart from James and herself.

Well… she supposed there was Dumbledore… but he had been withdrawn again lately, and more secretive than usual. Lily suspected he was working on something that could tip the scales of war in their favour.

They had not heard from him since he had borrowed James’ invisibility cloak; he had not checked up on them once since the Fidelius had been cast.

And that was the other problem. Dumbledore  _knew_  they were in Godric’s Hollow, but he wasn’t in on the secret. He would not be able to see their house, and neither could any of the Order members.

Lily bit her lip and picked at the duvet with numb fingers. She tried to organise her thoughts, tried to keep thinking.

If she wrote to Dumbledore, and if he wasn’t busy or away somewhere and actually got her message on time, what then? Was he ready to confront Voldemort himself in a duel?

Lily felt doubtful about that. If he was, why wouldn’t he have done it already?

He could alert the Order, set up a perimeter at Godric’s Hollow. But what if Peter – or Sirius – wasn’t the only spy in their midst? What if they risked tipping their upper hand to their enemy?

Lily sat up in the bed, drew a deep, shaky breath and rubbed slow circles on her temples as she weighed the options in her mind.

No.

She was going to rely only on herself and James. They had defied Voldemort thrice already. They could defy him for the fourth time. He had simply just caught them unawares, struck when they had finally believed to be safe.

But he didn’t have that advantage anymore, because Lily knew.

Lily knew Peter had betrayed them.

Lily knew that she and James – and likely their sweet little Harry, too – had died.

And because of she knew what was coming, she could make sure that this time, they would be prepared.

This time, they would live.

Her mind made, the crushing weight fell off her shoulders. Breathing suddenly came easier and she sat up straighter.

Lily got out of bed, padded across the room and then down the corridor, stopping to lean against the doorframe of Harry’s room.

James looked up, proffering Harry up in his arms.

“Look who woke up!” he said as he walked over to her, his hazel eyes mirroring the grin playing on his lips.

“Ma!”

“Good morning, baby boy,” Lily smiled, taking Harry into her arms. Cradling him close to her chest, Lily placed a small kiss on the top of his head and then looked up, meeting James’ eyes. He leaned in, closing their distance to claim her lips. The kiss was warm, slow and languid, sweet enough to make her smile despite the tightness that still squeezed at her gut.

“James,” she breathed as he pulled away, “I have a bad feeling.”

“Because of the bad dream?”

“I don’t know. I just have this feeling like something bad will happen today.”

“Lily, everything’s fine. We’re safe.”

“I know, James, but please, humour me. Be careful today, keep your wand close.”

“All right, if you insist.” James shrugged, and kissed her again. “I’ll go and fetch my wand right now, then.”

Lily watched James go, gently stroking Harry’s black curls – already as unruly as his father’s.

“We’ll be fine,” she whispered, unsure if she was talking to her son or herself.

 

* * *

 

Lily woke up, gasping and screaming. The tears pooled in her eyes and then rolled down her cheeks. She held the duvet to her chest as her heart raced and _ached_.

James stirred by her side. He wound his arms around her shoulders and pulled her against him, hugging her close.

“Shhhh,” he whispered, his hot breath fanning her ear, his voice so sweet and gentle. “Shhh, it was just a bad dream.”

She clung to him, her hands clutched at his shoulders as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. She trembled and sobbed in his arms, her tears spilling down and leaving wet trails on his bare chest.

It took a moment for her to calm down but once she had, James grinned at her. He kissed her forehead and wished her happy Halloween.

Lily offered him a weak smile in return.

She didn’t know what was happening. She didn’t know why she kept waking up like this, why she was stuck in a loop, repeating the worst day of her life over and over again.

At this point, there was only one thing of which she was certain.

Her hands balled into fists, her bright green eyes sparked with grim determination.

She would keep trying until she got it right.

She would keep trying until they would all live.


End file.
